Ambrosia

Tonight Belle signed "eating" when she wanted  to smell the solid perfume on the dresser.  I indulged her because she loves perfume all of a sudden.  Belle especially loves this perfume, as evidenced by the hole left behind in the wax by her tiny finger.  She quickly pulled off the top, inhaled and then stuck it under my nose to enjoy.  Belle said "Mmm" many, many times.  Then she painted us both with perfume.  I had both breasts adoringly dotted with "Ambrosia."  Even my toes were rubbed with perfume.

House guest

Belle and I are exhausted from hosting an overnight house guest and spending two afternoons at a street fair.  I have always been slack with housework, having grown up in an extremely disorganized home.  Four evenings cleaning around a toddler weren't enough to prepare for this visit.  With a grimy kitchen (and an open floor plan!), I entertained a girl friend regardless of all the work I didn't get done.

Belle did as well as any toddler would in large crowds without much down time.  We took five meals out, including coffee, ice cream and a pancake breakfast at the fire station.  Belle wouldn't occupy a high chair or a booster seat.  She awkwardly reached for beer, margaritas, salsa and everything on the table not meant for her consumption.  I finally just gave up and gave her my ice cream.

We had a nice visit nonetheless.  Interestingly enough, we got the vibe that some folks assumed we were a lesbian couple and child, particularly at the fire station.  That's a more favorable light than what I usually get.  People see a black woman alone with a baby around here and judge it as a social ill.  I liked being accepted as someone with a child in a marriage, even if just another assumption.

Pippi

Today I found a used copy of Pippi Longstocking at a community boutique.  That's the last film I remember watching with my mother before our lives changed forever.  I believe a healing is taking place now.  This book is a reminder.

Busy bee

Today I have taken two baths, eaten every meal, had both tea, coffee and wine, made a rice dish, changed twelve light bulbs, built an altar, revered the ancestor, assigned and reviewed my client's homework, networked at a mixer and cared for, loved and nursed Belle.  I know what needs to happen with the chores and have little idea how to handle it with a toddler.  I suppose I could scrub the toilets now but I would much rather prepare something further for my career coaching client.

Career

I am up late designing a career coaching plan for a client.

My old man

My father's birthday fell on a Full Moon this year, during which we had a power outage.  I adorned myself in moonstone jewelry, bundled up my toddler and walked us down to a cafe to wait out the power outage.  My toddler fell instantly in love with a coin fountain at this cafe.  She wet her hands with the running water and splashed her hands and face.  She inspired me to reach into my coin purse and make a wish.  I felt urged to use a quarter, the largest coin in my wallet.  Sorting through the quarters, I found one representing Hawaii.  I immediately began appealing to goddess Pele to banish all negativity so good can manifest.  Then I remembered that, on my father's birthday, with Hawaii's quarter in my hand, my father had once lived in Hawaii.  My appeal to Pele soon turned to an appeal to my deceased father, a man who'd died nearly thirty-two years prior of a self-inflicted gun shot to the head.

I asked my father to give me back as an adult what he'd taken from me as a child:  the security of a stable, two parent household.  It was my father who, in 1981, had shot my mother to death before turning the gun on himself with me, age five, hiding in the house.  I tossed the quarter under running water in the fountain.  Hours later, with the power back on, I constructed an ancestor altar in the wealth corner of my home.  I included the family portrait of my parents and I that I'd left on display inside our church during All Soul's Day 2012, my father's Hawaiian license plates, his driver's license, a glass of water and a personal check from my parents' long closed joint checking account. I dated the check with my father's birthday 2013 and made the check out to myself.  I wrote out all the things I intend to make manifest for myself and my toddler.  I asked my father to move mountains for the sake of me, his daughter, my toddler, his granddaughter and any future children  I may have (and the generations coming!).  I placed bloodstone, a well fed lodestone and pyrite on top of the check, along with a brass penis on a key chain someone gave me years ago.  I also placed a large affirmation on orange paper behind the family picture and the check.  I said, "Old man, you are working for me."

My father came to me in a dream more than a decade ago.  We were traveling in his car somewhere in a desert.  The inside of his car held a shrine to my mother, whom he'd loved deeply.  He apologized for his actions that destroyed our family and left me to mourn.  I have never seen my father again.  I believe I have communicated with him through two mediums I met through internet radio these past couple years.  I would imagine he would have wanted to give me the moon had he been able.  I officially forgive him.  In fact, I want to work with him and call on him as needed.  He doesn't need to wander out there alone anymore.

Father Full Moon

Today is my father's birthday.  Today is also a Full Moon.  Today I asked my father to give me back in adulthood everything he took from me in childhood.  I made an offer of an Hawaiian quarter (My father lived in Hawaii for a while years before he met my mom.) under running water.  I stated the negatives I want released and the positives I intend to manifest.  I was denied the security of a loving, stable two parent household as a child.  I fully intend to create and maintain this for Belle.  My father should move mountains for me and for Belle.  Let's see what happens.