Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Belonging
Somewhere in Alameda I accepted I didn't really belong here. I accepted I didn't fit in because my "story" was too different to be taken seriously. I accepted I wasn't deserving of anything I had, not even my education, because I hadn't "worked" for it. I accepted I couldn't, or wouldn't, earn a "real" living because my education, passions and talents weren't "real." I eventually stopped trying. I became a miserable drunk without an outlet or peer support. In sharp contrast, I felt myself fit in today, with Belle crawling over a table to reach the toddler seated in his mother's arms across from us at a cafe. I felt connected all day long, from shopping the farmers market to playing with Belle at a public park. I feel like I belong right here where I am.
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That is such an awesome feeling to have I'm sure! I'd like to feel that eventually. I think it might be San Diego. I felt so at home there. I hope it doesn't take too long before we're able to move there.
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