Saturday, October 20, 2012

Growing up

Belle weighed in at 15 lbs, 9 oz on October tenth.  She is rapidly outgrowing the 6 month clothing size, as I discovered very early Thursday morning when I couldn't get two blouses over her head.  I am currently washing her 9 months clothes, noting clothes marked Newborn, Small or 6 months that can accommodate up to 20 pounds.  I am very curious what the scales will read in the coming week.

I am still breastfeeding Belle on demand, co-sleeping and dream feeding.  Belle self-feeds peeled bananas, bread and anything she can hold onto and nibble without dripping onto herself.  She enjoys draining purees made from organic fruits and vegetables from convenient foil pouches.  We share mashed potatoes, mashed garnet yams, homemade applesauce and most other appropriately soft foods.  Sometimes I feed her from the jars of baby food I keep on hand in between bites of bread.  It takes all of me to keep her hands out of the purees.

Belle especially loves baby yogurt, made from whole milk and organic fruit.  She comes to life eating that.  She has the same reaction to oven roasted and mashed yams.  I recently prepared a four ounce bowl of yams to feed Belle from.  She loved it so much that she asked for more and more, not stopping until she'd eaten twelve ounces of yams for dinner.  The next night, in stark contrast, Belle appeared content with just one slice of whole grain bread.  I let her motion yes or no and self-regulate.

Monday, October 8, 2012


Not a doormat

G paid me (not Belle!) an unexpected visit in the wee hours of Saturday morning. I realised this when I discovered his crumpled hat on my doormat, next to unopened bags of crackers and containers of yogurt for two, at 9:30 Saturday morning. There was nothing for Belle, of course. I tied the hat into a bag to give to her later. She deserves something of his.

I spied G late Saturday afternoon at a street faire.  He approached me. I made sure he held Belle while I took pictures. Later on he brought a female friend along to meet Belle. He made some mention of bringing something by in two weeks' time, not for Belle, but for me.

I made a friend today who says she has profitted handsomely from child support. She is fifty-five now (Her daughter is now thirty-four) and is still getting back child support. I have not pressed G for anything, despite his claims that he has a wealth in assets. I am hanging loose for now.

I consciously agreed to a sexual relationship with G once upon a time. I wasn't victimised or duped. I was drinking a lot, eating to excess and not living up to my full potential. Motherhood represents me at my full potential, with all those unhealthy appetites curbed. I had already made the shift by attracting G as a lover.  Now that I have Belle, I am on the right track.