Friday, November 23, 2012


Belle celebrated her first Thanksgiving in the cat suit she wore for Halloween.  I made our dinner:  one twelve pound turkey, gravy, cornbread dressing, cranberry sauce, mashed yams, roasted carrots with apples and onions and pumpkin bread pudding.  I made everything from scratch except for the dressing.  That came from a mix.  Even the pumpkin had once been oven roasted, processed and frozen by me ahead of time.  We sampled most foods as we made them, just not the turkey.  I literally snatched the roasted skin off its breast and took off.  Our own dinner would need to wait.  We had places at two dinner tables on Thanksgiving

Monday, November 5, 2012


Thursday, November eighth marks thirty-one years since my mother's murder and my father's suicide.  This is the first anniversary in my adult life where I have something healthy and positive in my life to offset the tragedy.  I am a mother now, five years older than my mother was when she died.  In a few years I will outlive my father too.

My parents died less than ten days after Halloween, wiping out any memories of Halloween 1981.  I grew up with a religious fanatic for a grandmother, afraid of Halloween, only celebrating Halloween at school and never at home.  This year I dressed myself as a peacock and Belle as a feisty black cat.  We collected candy in the rain and without an umbrella until I could walk no further.  I had so much fun.

I have had six consecutively stellar days leading into this anniversary week.  I aim for my vibration to stay this high in order for me to attract the very best for us.  I had been stuck for many years before Belle.  I didn't attract the best things for myself because I didn't always feel deserving.  I didn't feel deserving because I'd lost my parents and my grandparents.  Without a sense of familial identity, I didn't have anyone to hold me accountable or to make proud.  Now I do.  She calls me "Maum."