Friday, January 31, 2014

Live wire

Dinner guest dropped by well past ten last night.  I'd let Belle play very hard all evening in the attempt at exhausting her so we might be left alone.  Climbing the pantry shelves, cooking on the play stove, a shower and soothing music only made Belle more wired.  Belle eventually caught a second whim that mimicked a young man on angel dust.  Books were knocked off shelves and acrobats were done off the couch.  Dinner guest had to intervene.  Just when I felt Belle needed to be tranquilized, she knocked out and stayed out until morning.  How weird!

Infant veggies

Yesterday I gave away the bulk of the vegetable purees I'd amassed for Belle to another Freecycle mom.  The same mom who'd given me a chair her preschooler had outgrown a couple months ago needed solids for her infant.  I bagged the food up according to expiry date and gave it away to someone I knew would appreciate it.  A series of guilt inducing emails followed about as soon as the food left my kitchen.

A woman offered to donate the food to a shelter.  Another woman offered to give the food to a single mom she is friends with (I have already given that mom several jars of meat purees in the past.).  A third woman, a very young grandma raising an infant grandchild along with her own school age children, offered to send her husband over to claim the food past ten pm.  It seemed everyone read I had baby food on offer, but dismissed the follow up email that listed the food taken.

I wish I had more baby food to give people I know would use it.  I only gave the food to the one mom because I knew she had a family.  I didn't want a crafts person wasting baby food to save the jars.  If I'd wanted it to go to charity, I would have walked it over to our food bank, not handed it to someone else claiming to be collecting for a shelter.  My heart goes out to the grandma though. I suggested she sign the family up for the food bank.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Happy Pants

Belle is wearing her first pair of [disposable] training pants.

Monday, January 27, 2014

Potty Break.

Belle peed the potty tonight.  We'd been stepping in puddles all week since upgrading potties and going diaper free at home.  Belle had grown to recognise the urgency of needing to go without knowing how to communicate it.  Right when we'd both become frustrated (and screaming) with not knowing how to navigate Belle's bladder habits, Belle peed the potty.  She brought me the cup from a potty and waited until I positioned it accordingly to pee standing up.  Then she applauded herself for fifteen minutes.  Yay!


I am being challenged to create and enjoy a thriving hypnotherapy and coaching practice and writing career.  This is what I have always wanted, and what I have always been steered against.  Never mind the success others have enjoyed.  Writing is poverty and hypnosis is hocus pocus.  The intuitive arts are often perceived as fraudulent.  Couple this with the backlash I abnormally experience as an independent and intellectual woman, and I am at odds.

I used an oracle to better ask myself if hypnotherapy, life coaching and writing are the best for my future happiness.  I deciphered a very surprising negative response.  Truthfully, I discovered a love of reading and writing as a very young girl once I accepted my life with my grandmother would be sedentary.  I would often read and write about the life I couldn't experience with her holding me back.  I successfully earned a creative writing degree, only to see my grandmother's failing health (and death) and other responsibilities overshadow it.

Years later, as a beneficiary, I found myself in a relationship with someone who didn't respect me for not punching a clock.  I quickly immersed myself in a rigorous life coaching training program, followed by a hypnotherapy certification program.  I excelled in these programs with the intention of turning what I had learned into a rewarding career.  Then the person I had grown the closest to, who hadn't been very supportive of my goals, died tragically.  Still grieving, I made a major move a year later.

If hypnosis, life coaching and writing aren't it, what is?  What am I most passionate about?  An astrologer noted an upcoming transit where Jupiter will meet my natal Saturn.  She asked me to remember myself fourteen years ago and reconnect with those interests.  Fourteen years ago I had head shots and Zed cards, iron straight hair and wore a size four dress.  I also enjoyed foreign and domestic travel, fine food and wine and boutique shopping.  I lived a relatively care free life.  Nobody harassed me about being a young woman alone in a house.  Nobody harassed me about dressing or eating well.  What changed?

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Weekly Pull

Healing With The Fairies, What is the tone of this coming week?

Vacation, Miracle Healing, Rise Above Problems

Clinging vine

Belle had finally reached her toddler zen, dozing in the warm sunlight, when I accepted a late afternoon lunch guest.  Suddenly, Belle needed a diaper and we both needed to dress.  Belle coped with the sudden change by being extra clingy.  Lunch guest brought her own food to share, which took forever to warm up.  I later discovered Belle had inadvertently changed the temperature settings on the microwave from one hundred percent to nil.  Extra cooking time, and a clingy toddler, made for an interesting afternoon.

I had to change back into the tee shirt I'd been wearing all day after Belle's diaper leaked urine onto my dress.  The three of us went scrambling for dry clothes upstairs, where wrestling Belle into a fresh diaper proved a team effort.  Lunch ended with everyone in my bed, which tends to happen these days whenever I dare entertain with a fussy toddler.  Belle mellowed out in time for the conversations to end and our guest to leave.  She still hasn't let me go, however.  I would need a Cesarean if we were any closer.

Thursday, January 23, 2014


Belle already had one very basic potty when we acquired two more elaborate potty trainers.  These are "three in one," ie, potty breaks down to a training seat and a step stool.  Now I keep one downstairs and two upstairs.  Belle hasn't grasped the concept yet.  She instinctively sits on a potty, applauds herself and gets up again without doing anything.  Her instincts urge her to use the cup for other purposes.


A nosy woman tried to discipline Belle for breastfeeding, and me for allowing Belle to breastfeed on demand in public.  That sums it up!

Wednesday, January 22, 2014


I can clearly see untapped parts of myself being reflected back at me through another.

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Sunday chicken

Belle and I shared Sunday's citrus lavender chicken with the usual dinner guest.  Belle divided the mashed sweet potatoes between our plates and stole bites of chicken and oranges.  She found her off switch fairly quickly after dinner, which allowed for liberal adult conversation.  What a lovely time!

Friday, January 17, 2014


A three card reading I gave myself for this week's forecast concluded with "Sexuality (Doreen Virtue's Healing With The Fairies)."  I wasn't surprised.  Sunday evening's spontaneous dinner date had ended with something unexpected.  Dinners later in the week ended with...dessert, and a healthy, heaping serving at that.  I'd been setting an extra place at the table intermittently since Autumn.  A change was inevitable!

Thursday, January 9, 2014


I learned more from a tape of my maternal grandmother's account of her earliest years in Texas than I learned from her in life.  I almost cannot believe it's the same woman on a tape.  She seemed so loving and honest in 1991 or 1992, when I made the tape.  The woman on the tape would soon unravel, with love and honesty replaced with hatred and lies.  What happened?  What changed?

My grandmother started warning me we'd been cursed not long after I made this tape.  She revealed how she'd been attacked by her mother-in-law with magic that cost my grandmother her health, her money and her daughter.  My grandmother remained convinced until the day she died that we would only advance so far, only to see our efforts cut short because of this curse.

 Releasing this has not been an easy process.  I isolated myself in the exact ways my grandmother encouraged. I held myself back from many things for my own self-preservation.  I recently found an old letter addressed to my grandmother from one of her nine sisters.  The letter alluded to my grandmother falling prey to a psychic scam.  My grandmother fell victim to many such scams, which was the true curse.

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Belle made breakfast.

I am committed to actively working with my maternal lineage (mother, grandmother, great-grandmother on down) in 2014.  Imagine my delight this morning when Belle pushed her table up to the stove and started cooking breakfast.

Why is this important?

My great-grandmother had to cook standing on a stool because she was too small to reach it otherwise.  She had been stuck doing the cooking and other chores from childhood, likely based on skin color differences within her family.  She cooked standing on a stool because she had to.  This morning Belle chose to cook standing on her table because she wanted to.

Belle pan fried ham and seasoned the fried eggs.  She even transferred the fried ham to a plate.  I made white rice and supervised Belle's cooking.  She did a fine job controlling the burner and using the spatula and fork.  She is learning quickly how to do things.  All the mothers and grandmothers are with us too.

Friday, January 3, 2014

Happy Healthy New Year!

Today we heard the best news on Belle's health:  Belle is in the twenty-fifth percentile for other twenty-four month old children.  Because her growth is steadily climbing upward, her doctor is confident Belle can go longer between visits.  Belle's next appointment is scheduled for July, six months from now.  Belle is on course with most active, healthy children.  Maybe now I can relax now that Belle's growth isn't being as heavily monitored.  That certainly took some fun out of these past two years.