Monday, September 30, 2013

Not shy

Belle wouldn't leave my arms at last Sunday's birthday party.  I had more fun with Belle's friends than she did.

Sunday, September 29, 2013


I am very pleased.  Ruthia helped me move the maroon love seat to the loft upstairs.  Now I can drink coffee, feed Belle, read books, etc.  The loft itself needs more book and media storage to better organize the room.  That will come.

Tuesday, September 24, 2013


Tense moments last Sunday evening when the toilet tank in my water closet drained onto my gas range.  I noticed the water mark on the ceiling above the stove as the pizza baked.  I couldn't react immediately because we had dinner to finish.  The water gushed out into my hands when I investigated the leak after dinner.  I raced downstairs for a pitcher to catch the water and came back to a naked Belle racing toward the toilet with a plunger.  I cleaned up the mess as best I could, already well aware of what I would find downstairs.

This wasn't the first time I'd had trouble with this toilet.  This toilet drained out onto the stove top about as soon as I moved in here.  A plumber resolved the issue:  popsicle sticks in the drain!  I couldn't get over toilet water contaminating the stove.  I went down to Best Buy and swapped out the stove immediately, along with the other major appliances (All LG stainless steel because I wanted them to match!).  The toilet didn't give me any trouble for all these years until last Sunday.  This might be something I can fix myself.  Belle sure looked adorable trying to help.


Belle repeated "baa" during story time.  The doctor had expressed concern because Belle isn't very talkative.  She uses more baby sign language than anything.  Her words otherwise are "mom," "hiya," "buh bye" "mmm," and "stop."  She has really started babbling and repeating words since last Friday.  I even heard a "cock o doodle doo."  I feel she will be more expressive soon.

Saturday, September 21, 2013


Today I took advantage of medical services and healthy food being offered at a health and wellness event.  I turned one $2.35 "round trip" bus ticket into a blood pressure/glucose check, one pound each of pinto beans, white rice and whole wheat pasta, a twenty-eight ounce can of spaghetti sauce, two grape juice boxes, four large sweet potatoes, eight apples, eight plums and three bunches of carrots.  I didn't count on Belle waking up with a runny nose, me tearing a hole in the back of my heel when the door hit me after I made change for the bus and a pouring rain storm once we arrived.  I half wondered if it was even worth the trip until I discovered at home the pasta is the very pasta I currently like.  Nicer weather would have been much appreciated still, especially since I'd been caught in flip flops and short sleeves during a storm.  I also would have loved to finally try a bakery in the area if we'd had time.

Friday, September 20, 2013

21 mos check

Belle weighs twenty-three pounds and is in the twenty-fifth percentile for other toddlers her age.  The doctor seemed pleased until she realized we are still breastfeeding.  Breastfeeding has never been seen as a viable means of nutrition for Belle because she didn't visibly "thrive" off it initially.  I literally had to lactate in front of people to prove I had milk and was feeding it.  Even then, it was assumed my milk wasn't nutrient dense based on emotions, environment, etc.  I kept breastfeeding despite being harassed, publicly humiliated and shamed.  The medics thought I was too stupid to get it the hang of breastfeeding and too stupid to admit defeat and give up breastfeeding.  Now Belle is twenty-one months and we are still happily breastfeeding.  The doctor stressed we could continue breastfeeding as long as we are both comfortable with it and Belle is on a growth curve.  Again, I know Belle's doctor doesn't credit breastfeeding with proper growth.  She attributes the high calorie solid food I mixed with oil last year for Belle finally thriving.  This makes me sad.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Feed me

I made white rice to eat with chili for lunch.  Unfortunately, I allowed Belle a sliver of cherry pie as I made the rice.  Sharing the pie killed my appetite for chili.  Now it's after five and I have only eaten a mushy banana, coffee, plain bread and cherry pie.  Belle is asleep and dream feeding in my lap as I type.  I cannot get up to get myself anything to eat.  That bowl of chili I long to eat and that pot of chard I long to make seem so far away.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Discount City

Belle and I made two trips to Discount City yesterday.  I probably obtained most, if not all, of my list.  I couldn't find steel wool.  I did find assorted cleansers at Discount City and quality paper goods from Walgreens.  Belle got two bags of animal crackers and a tooth brush.

New week reading

Ascended Masters, What is the theme of this week?

Purification, Detach from Drama, Yes!

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Divine food finds

Great food finds yesterday, including salmon, lamb chops, ground turkey, three pounds of strawberries, light coconut milk, coffee beans, chili powder and two and a half pounds of assorted cheese (Mmm!  Brie.).  I had my sights focused on cheese since Belle suddenly loves cheese.  Someone pulled me aside and said, "I'd been saving these cheese sticks just for you!"  That's a strong connection to Divine at play in my life.

Belle and I shared a mug of coffee, made from freshly ground beans, whole milk and my special spicy sugar.  I gave Belle a tiny shot glass of coffee for herself, and then I switched her to whole milk.  Of course Belle dumped all the milk back into my mug and held out the shot glass for coffee.  She knows what she wants already.

Belle napped briefly in her bobby car later on.  This allowed me to add more spice to my sugar.  She woke up happy and eager to explore those berries in the fridge.  I indulged her, even when the light in the fridge shut off.  Belle lapsed into a crying rage, prompting me to send her straight to bed.  It took four hours to get Belle to sleep.  I eventually chucked her picture rhyme books in favor of post modern fiction.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Three very long years

I fell out with a [male] friend three years ago this month, and I never recovered.  Feeling outcast, I eventually made the choices that led to Belle.  Through Belle, we are becoming friends again.  We are different people now.  We are better people.  Still, I must ask myself why I let this almost ruin me.  I just shut down when he pulled away, and I stayed there.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013


Belle went through a week long biting phase.  She continuously gnashed her newly sprouted front top teeth onto my neck and nipples.  I almost lost my cool with this biting.  One night I had to put her down, leave the room and close the door.  Belle doesn't understand how much this hurts.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013


It took several hours to dissolve the soap scum stuck to the shower basin.  I had to spray and wipe three, maybe four, times.  With soap scum stuck to slip resistance surface, it became easier to just let it go than clean it.  I knew I had to do something once Belle became curious about the shower.  Belle might be afraid of or confused by the shower head, but she certainly wants to join me in the shower.

I drank an instant coffee, gave myself a reading with Doreen Virtue's Ascended Masters deck and listened to spiritual podcasts as the soap scum dissolved.  I also went on a mission to locate my copy of Bhagavad Gita, as prompted by the guidebook for the deck.  I thought I had saved this for many years, following a course on Eastern religions I once took.  While I couldn't locate this book, I found others that may prove as effective.

ETA:  I found my copy of Bhagavad Gita, hiding behind a much larger book on a bookshelf!!!!

Monday, September 2, 2013


I spent Labor Day weekend cleaning house (days) and journal writing (nights).  I have done everything I intended to do with my room except clean my closet.  I hadn't intended to do that so I didn't.  Belle even grabbed a dish towel and started dusting.  Then she dragged her plastic shopping basket of plastic food into the wash water and became a nuisance.

I need lights and shelves for the loft.  I also need more lamps all around.  I won't even try to move the maroon love seat alone and without a dolly.  I look forward to moving the love seat upstairs and enjoying reclining with Belle upon it.