Thursday, November eighth marks thirty-one years since my mother's murder and my father's suicide. This is the first anniversary in my adult life where I have something healthy and positive in my life to offset the tragedy. I am a mother now, five years older than my mother was when she died. In a few years I will outlive my father too.
My parents died less than ten days after Halloween, wiping out any memories of Halloween 1981. I grew up with a religious fanatic for a grandmother, afraid of Halloween, only celebrating Halloween at school and never at home. This year I dressed myself as a peacock and Belle as a feisty black cat. We collected candy in the rain and without an umbrella until I could walk no further. I had so much fun.
I have had six consecutively stellar days leading into this anniversary week. I aim for my vibration to stay this high in order for me to attract the very best for us. I had been stuck for many years before Belle. I didn't attract the best things for myself because I didn't always feel deserving. I didn't feel deserving because I'd lost my parents and my grandparents. Without a sense of familial identity, I didn't have anyone to hold me accountable or to make proud. Now I do. She calls me "Maum."