Maum

Thursday, November eighth marks thirty-one years since my mother's murder and my father's suicide.  This is the first anniversary in my adult life where I have something healthy and positive in my life to offset the tragedy.  I am a mother now, five years older than my mother was when she died.  In a few years I will outlive my father too.

My parents died less than ten days after Halloween, wiping out any memories of Halloween 1981.  I grew up with a religious fanatic for a grandmother, afraid of Halloween, only celebrating Halloween at school and never at home.  This year I dressed myself as a peacock and Belle as a feisty black cat.  We collected candy in the rain and without an umbrella until I could walk no further.  I had so much fun.

I have had six consecutively stellar days leading into this anniversary week.  I aim for my vibration to stay this high in order for me to attract the very best for us.  I had been stuck for many years before Belle.  I didn't attract the best things for myself because I didn't always feel deserving.  I didn't feel deserving because I'd lost my parents and my grandparents.  Without a sense of familial identity, I didn't have anyone to hold me accountable or to make proud.  Now I do.  She calls me "Maum."