Friday, June 15, 2012

Blame the Cosmos

My drinking increased significantly after I moved up North.  I knew I wouldn't meet any singles at my nearest church.  I only met older, retired people and young families.  I took a risk and started mingling inside the bars (and family restaurants with bar seating) within walking distance of my home.  I felt confident enough to take care of myself in public and around alcohol and men.  As my confidence increased, so did the critical response from some of the men I would meet.  I met the shadow side of myself and others during this process.  Their insecurities became my insecurities, and never vice versa.  I found my faith tested as my beliefs and values were challenged.  I knew I needed something else.  When I started seeing Belle's father, as I have since learned, he felt inspired to rescue me from what he considered were poor choices.  He took misguided measures to save me from myself.  I never said I needed saving.  I needed a growthful experience.  I grew in ways I never would have had I stayed in Los Angeles.  I won't regret anything.  Things went the awry the way they were meant.

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