Sunday, May 13, 2012


Belle has gained an entire pound in three weeks.  She weighed in at 9lbs, 13oz on Friday.  This is almost double her 5lbs, 2oz birth weight.  I wish exclusive breast feeding had gotten her there.  Maybe it would have under different circumstances.  In any event, I am continuing breast feeding on demand, plus five and a half ounces of higher calorie formula daily.  I am also pumping.

Belle ate her first banana last week.  I broke off tiny chunks and mashed them with my fingers to feed to her.  She seemed to enjoy that.  Now we share one banana daily.  Last night I oven roasted sweet potatoes and cooked green split peas.  I mashed a portion of each, added in olive oil and filled ice cube trays.  Each cube will make the perfect serving size once warmed.  I also bought two avocados, which is our next food.

I am very committed to Junior's care and feeding.  I am also very tense.  A nurse commented on my tension during a recent weight check.  It is harder to relax and enjoy this because I had a cryptic pregnancy.  Doctors, nurses, etc were borderline abusive in response.  I feel I must be on guard and selfless.  Meanwhile, I am not having any "me" time.  This became apparent very early Saturday morning when confronted with temptation.

A old flame dropped in for a late night/early morning visit.  We hadn't seen each other in four years and hadn't slept together in five.  Of course Belle needed to be changed and fed and present to chaperon.  We discussed the children we have both had since our last coupling and rose to say goodnight.  That turned into an awkward kiss and the sad truth I am too tightly wound even for a fling.  This is someone I am still quite fond of.  I would like my body to cooperate.  I am not feeling very sexual at the moment.  How do I get that back?

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