Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Deliberate creation.

I deliberately manifested Belle. I began listening to Blog Talk Radio, an internet based forum where virtually anyone can broadcast their views by renting airspace, in November 2010. I discovered, on Blog Talk Radio, Carl Munson, The Barefoot Broadcaster. He had author Maggy Whitehouse on as a guest in the days immediately following American Thanksgiving (Carl Munson and Maggy Whitehouse are UK based.). I called in just to listen and found myself an active "on air" participant, commenting on my weekly work with the law of attraction.

As the year slowly came to a close, Maggy Whitehouse suggested we ditch the typical New Year's resolutions and try what she called a "Round Robin" letter, addressed to any person, living or deceased. Maggy Whitehouse said to dream big in this letter and to date it one year ahead. She said to write it, put it in a safe place and re-read it one year later to see what in the letter has been accomplished. I wrote my Round Robin letter to my [deceased] mother, dated January 6, 2012, The Feast of the Epiphany (The Catholic feast day in honor of the baby Jesus' meeting with The Three Kings.). I placed this letter on a table near a picture of my mother and forgot about it.

I wrote my mother with news of personal and professional success I had achieved in 2011. In 2011, I had moved into a rich working life as an in demand intuitive tarot reader and regular contributor to The Barefoot Broadcast and other internet radio shows (which I did manifest through early Spring of 2011). I had become a sought after public speaker, writer and workshop leader. I organised events and distributed press releases in promotion of the various causes, people, places and things that touched my heart. Everything had fallen into place in my life, especially after marrying my sweetheart and delivering our baby.

I attended a baby shower for one of the employees at my beloved neighborhood Mexican restaurant about two weeks after I wrote my mother this letter. While I enjoyed myself at this baby shower, I secretly longed for it to be for me. I brought home the various plastic trinkets from this shower and playfully created a honey jar around them. A honey jar is a magical tool said to sweeten something or someone to its maker using a container of honey or some other sweetener, handwritten prayers and other articles pertaining to the desired intention. I crafted my honey jar around home and family, particularly a new baby. I even added in the plastic baby I'd found inside a King cake back in 2010. I set this honey jar on my dressing table and forgot about it.

I spent the rest of January and February 2011 clearing out clutter, recycling old papers and erecting ancestor tables with family photographs visable throughout my home. I took very indulgent prosperity baths with crystals, gem stones, gold glitter and various oils, all of which allegedly work to create abundance in one's life. I committed Psalm 23 to memory. I learned a powerful affirmation, which I recited daily, even hourly: I give intent to receive abundance in all its forms, love, joy, peace, prosperity and health. I started seeing Belle's father by the middle of March. I wasn't trying to get pregnant. He disclosed from day one the vasectomy he said he'd had rather early in life. I was okay with that at first. I wasn't trying to get pregnant. Still, I asked myself if I could lead a life without children if need be.

I confronted G about his vasectomy one month into our relationship. He'd made some comments about a married friend of his who had yet another baby on the way. That's when reality hit: I was in the wrong relationship if I really wanted marriage and children. Our relationship ended just weeks later. I remained tense for months afterward. I could feel the familiar pre-menstrual cramps, but without the normal flow. I thought perhaps I just needed to relax about the things in my life I could not control, thereby giving my flow the chance to return. When I started to feel intermittent pains with little trace of a period (and very little physical changes that would otherwise indicate pregnancy), I feared my family history of gynecological problems had caught up to me. I hesitated making an appointment because I didn't want bad news.

Abundance in all its forms manifested in my life when I delivered my baby on the evening of December 7, 2011: love, joy, peace, prosperity and health. I remembered the Round Robin letter, the honey jar and all the prosperity work I had done all year. I didn't marry the sweetheart I'd written my mother about. That ship had sailed long before I started dating G. In G, I had attracted the right man to myself to facilitate my own re-birth as a mother. I am now interested in everything pertaining to mothers, babies, children and families. Those things I wrote my mother about are becoming true in a different way than what I ever dreamed possible.

I deliberately created my new life and I am not finished creating. In my own words, I detailed how my life had changed only after giving birth and sharing my home with my baby and her father, my husband. While her father and I are done (I moved on from him long ago!), there will be someone in my life who will serve as a father figure for her and a partner for me. Meanwhile, I am immersing myself completely in Belle's care. I am restructuring my life to reflect this. I am getting what I have put my energy and my efforts toward and it feels good.

1 comment:

  1. What an amazing journey into motherhood. Being a mom is one of the most enriching, marvelouse, awe-inducing, heartbreaking, raw, best thing you will ever do. My life didn't truly begin until I became a mother! Enjoy the journey and the abundance of love!!!