Monday, July 22, 2013

My old man

My father's birthday fell on a Full Moon this year, during which we had a power outage.  I adorned myself in moonstone jewelry, bundled up my toddler and walked us down to a cafe to wait out the power outage.  My toddler fell instantly in love with a coin fountain at this cafe.  She wet her hands with the running water and splashed her hands and face.  She inspired me to reach into my coin purse and make a wish.  I felt urged to use a quarter, the largest coin in my wallet.  Sorting through the quarters, I found one representing Hawaii.  I immediately began appealing to goddess Pele to banish all negativity so good can manifest.  Then I remembered that, on my father's birthday, with Hawaii's quarter in my hand, my father had once lived in Hawaii.  My appeal to Pele soon turned to an appeal to my deceased father, a man who'd died nearly thirty-two years prior of a self-inflicted gun shot to the head.

I asked my father to give me back as an adult what he'd taken from me as a child:  the security of a stable, two parent household.  It was my father who, in 1981, had shot my mother to death before turning the gun on himself with me, age five, hiding in the house.  I tossed the quarter under running water in the fountain.  Hours later, with the power back on, I constructed an ancestor altar in the wealth corner of my home.  I included the family portrait of my parents and I that I'd left on display inside our church during All Soul's Day 2012, my father's Hawaiian license plates, his driver's license, a glass of water and a personal check from my parents' long closed joint checking account. I dated the check with my father's birthday 2013 and made the check out to myself.  I wrote out all the things I intend to make manifest for myself and my toddler.  I asked my father to move mountains for the sake of me, his daughter, my toddler, his granddaughter and any future children  I may have (and the generations coming!).  I placed bloodstone, a well fed lodestone and pyrite on top of the check, along with a brass penis on a key chain someone gave me years ago.  I also placed a large affirmation on orange paper behind the family picture and the check.  I said, "Old man, you are working for me."

My father came to me in a dream more than a decade ago.  We were traveling in his car somewhere in a desert.  The inside of his car held a shrine to my mother, whom he'd loved deeply.  He apologized for his actions that destroyed our family and left me to mourn.  I have never seen my father again.  I believe I have communicated with him through two mediums I met through internet radio these past couple years.  I would imagine he would have wanted to give me the moon had he been able.  I officially forgive him.  In fact, I want to work with him and call on him as needed.  He doesn't need to wander out there alone anymore.

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