Burgers and ice cream.

I ate Nations for dinner last night. I hadn't eaten Nations since before Belle's birth. Nations is a local fast food chain that makes actual burgers without heat lamps and other junk. Bacon cheeseburgers and chilli cheese fries are delicious at Nations, especially after the bars close. I spent many a night at Nations, hence, why I got so fat.

Last night I ate a cheeseburger with grilled onions, sliced pickles and a side of fries. I brought my food home and ate it standing up in the kitchen. I left Belle sleeping in her Hot Slings with her tummy pressed against mine during my dinner. I had thrown kale to the wind just for a night. I slept so well under the influence of all that protein and fat.

Today I had a dipped cone at Fosters Freeze. I hadn't been to Fosters Freeze in almost two years. I ordered the largest vanilla ice cream cone and had it dipped in a hard chocolate coating. I devoured that cone for the length of our walk home. It tasted like heaven. I cannot wait until Belle is old enough for such occasional indulgences.

I am actually a very disciplined eater, disciplined to the point of measuring and weighing foods, counting carbs, fiber and protein (I studied the Pritikin Weight Loss Manual once upon a time.).That's how I lost even more weight after taking charge of my grandmother's diabetic diet, only to slowly regain it after being stuck by a car as a pedestrian and other trials.

Feeling better.

I am also starting to feel better about everything that happened during Belle's surprise birth. I walked into the hospital "off the street," to quote the social workers and other agents, and delivered a baby after nearly thirty-five weeks without any prenatal care. They didn't know how to handle my special situation of not knowing I was pregnant. In my defense, I had put on a considerable amount of weight upon settling into Alameda. My weight had neared 200 pounds in the six months prior to Belle's conception. I started power walking and sweating first, before drastically eliminating bacon cheeseburgers, beer and enchiladas from my diet. I adopted a very low fat, higher protein diet overnight. My period had already diminished to two days or so in length. When it slowed to a trickle, I didn't think much of it. In fact, I thought my drastic dietary changes were the cause, not a baby. Needless to say, those in authority overreacted. Now that Belle is here, I am doing everything in my power to make this a happy and healthy life for her, including making this the last time my weight creeps up that high. My hips were already wide. No wonder I didn't adopt a stereotypical pregnancy shape!

IBCLC

Belle and I braved the rain and made an early morning meeting with an IBCLC (International Board Certified Lactation Consultant). Belle demonstrated a strong suck without any anatomical issues (ie, tongue tie). A pre and post feeding weight check revealed she had taken in two ounces during an observed feeding. The lactation consultant recommended I continue feeding Belle on demand with the addition of breast compressions. She also showed me another way to latch Belle on that would incorporate more of the milk ducts into her mouth.

Belle gained two ounces since last Thursday's weight check. This shows a weight gain of a half an ounce per day. I will bring this information with me to our next meeting with the health visitor and our next pediatrician appointment. I will resist the pressure or the temptation to supplement Belle's feedings with powdered formula. Nothing wrong with formula! I thrived on soy formula during my infancy. If I am able to make milk, I will offer my milk to my baby. I would rather wash my breasts (My milk often flows faster after a hot shower!) than scrub bottles.

I would also rather feed myself than give the same money, if not more, to a formula company. Breastfeeding is a good opportunity to pay closer attention to one's diet. I am drinking and eating plenty of dairy, fruits, grains and vegetables. I am finding mood boosting B vitamins in nutritional yeast and Milo, a cocoa flavored powder, similar to Ovaltine. I wonder if more women would breastfeed their babies if automatically given extra emotional, and even nutritional support, ie, WIC (Women Infants and Children). Nutritional support alone might be a great incentive to breastfeed.

Shrinking

I am losing all the weight I gained dining and drinking out in Alameda these past few years. I have lost twenty pounds since New Year's. This represents a healthy weight loss of about seven pounds a month. Belle weighed five pounds. A quick internet search revealed placenta weighs about two pounds. If I add this together, plus another seven pounds, I have probably lost thirty-five pounds in four months, or, eight pounds a month (It is recommended to lose one to two pounds a week times four is eight pounds lost per month.).

I currently weigh 155 pounds, which is what I weighed on high school graduation eighteen years ago. I am only five foot five inches tall with a medium build. My current weight sits on the high end for my frame. That said, I have no business being two hundred pounds ever again in my life. I wore it well though. I never had any breathing problems or anything. I just got a little heavy for a season.

I became very conscious of my weight in Autumn of 2010, six months before Belle's conception. The scale read 190 pounds (My highest weight had previously been 175, circa 1996.). I had started power walking again, wearing a hoodie with leggings very early in the mornings or very late in the evenings. I had even added a metaphysical bent to my power walking by holding crystal points in both hands instead of weights. These were like conductors, a la, the wand The Magician holds in your standard deck of tarot cards. I had decided to lose all my excess weight by May of 2011.

I lost interest in power walking somewhere along the way. I continued my familiar routine of dining out with friends, drinking at the pub and then having burgers after last call. I eliminated most of this by March 2011, when I started seeing Belle's father. His bedroom literally overlooked the Saturday farmer's market. I immediately started shopping it again the morning after our first night together. I had the most fun shopping and cooking for myself last Spring and Summer, and even into Autumn.

I didn't know I was pregnant for most of this culinary journey. I must have fallen pregnant within a month into my relationship with both Belle's father and the farmer's market. I found myself eating sardines packed in oil (which I still love!) and lots of pungent and spicy foods (chili peppers, garlic, ginger, hot sauce, mayonaise, mustard, onions, vinegar). I stayed active and always on the go, which is surely another reason why I stayed pregnant and unawares, without the usual baby weight and such.

Belle's birth has since triggered my body to lose the excess weight I had packed on since relocating to Alameda in 2007. Many of the friends I have made along the way are people I met in 2008, when I had already started gaining weight. They see me now and ask me if everything is alright. I am breastfeeding Belle and eating a largely fiber rich diet of cereals, rice, milk, cheese, eggs, yams, greens, etc. I am no longer losing count of my cocktails (like I did through Spring 2011!) and ending my nights with a bacon cheeseburger or chili cheese fries at Nations before bed.

I hit my lowest recorded weight of my adult life twelve years ago when I weighed 125 pounds. While I like myself now, at 155, I also like myself at 130. I am almost there. I would like to embrace that weight loss and maintain it. I am sure I can do this with Belle. Why? I successfully handled my grandmother's [diabetic] diet when I took charge of her care during the last eight months of her life. We both lost weight because we both ate the same foods. I plan to make Belle's diet as healthy as possible. This will surely encourage growth in her and weight maintainance for me.