Why?

I read tarot cards. I have read tarot cards since Summer of 2003. I consider myself rather proficient in tarot card reading. That being said, I decided to tackle a serious and personal question last Friday. Using my New Palladini deck, I asked why my life has gone the way it has, from me witnessing my parents' murder/suicide as a five year old, to being a single mom without these parents to turn to for moral support?

Significator: The Devil
Present environment: 6 of Cups
Crossing: Knight of Swords
Base of the matter: 5 of Pentacles
Recent past: Ace of Cups
Crown: 4 of Cups
Immediate future: The Emperor
Future environment/My self: 4 of Wands
Outer influences: Queen of Cups
Hopes/Fears: Page of Swords
Outcome: The Chariot, The Tower (The High Priestess)

Shrinking

I am losing all the weight I gained dining and drinking out in Alameda these past few years. I have lost twenty pounds since New Year's. This represents a healthy weight loss of about seven pounds a month. Belle weighed five pounds. A quick internet search revealed placenta weighs about two pounds. If I add this together, plus another seven pounds, I have probably lost thirty-five pounds in four months, or, eight pounds a month (It is recommended to lose one to two pounds a week times four is eight pounds lost per month.).

I currently weigh 155 pounds, which is what I weighed on high school graduation eighteen years ago. I am only five foot five inches tall with a medium build. My current weight sits on the high end for my frame. That said, I have no business being two hundred pounds ever again in my life. I wore it well though. I never had any breathing problems or anything. I just got a little heavy for a season.

I became very conscious of my weight in Autumn of 2010, six months before Belle's conception. The scale read 190 pounds (My highest weight had previously been 175, circa 1996.). I had started power walking again, wearing a hoodie with leggings very early in the mornings or very late in the evenings. I had even added a metaphysical bent to my power walking by holding crystal points in both hands instead of weights. These were like conductors, a la, the wand The Magician holds in your standard deck of tarot cards. I had decided to lose all my excess weight by May of 2011.

I lost interest in power walking somewhere along the way. I continued my familiar routine of dining out with friends, drinking at the pub and then having burgers after last call. I eliminated most of this by March 2011, when I started seeing Belle's father. His bedroom literally overlooked the Saturday farmer's market. I immediately started shopping it again the morning after our first night together. I had the most fun shopping and cooking for myself last Spring and Summer, and even into Autumn.

I didn't know I was pregnant for most of this culinary journey. I must have fallen pregnant within a month into my relationship with both Belle's father and the farmer's market. I found myself eating sardines packed in oil (which I still love!) and lots of pungent and spicy foods (chili peppers, garlic, ginger, hot sauce, mayonaise, mustard, onions, vinegar). I stayed active and always on the go, which is surely another reason why I stayed pregnant and unawares, without the usual baby weight and such.

Belle's birth has since triggered my body to lose the excess weight I had packed on since relocating to Alameda in 2007. Many of the friends I have made along the way are people I met in 2008, when I had already started gaining weight. They see me now and ask me if everything is alright. I am breastfeeding Belle and eating a largely fiber rich diet of cereals, rice, milk, cheese, eggs, yams, greens, etc. I am no longer losing count of my cocktails (like I did through Spring 2011!) and ending my nights with a bacon cheeseburger or chili cheese fries at Nations before bed.

I hit my lowest recorded weight of my adult life twelve years ago when I weighed 125 pounds. While I like myself now, at 155, I also like myself at 130. I am almost there. I would like to embrace that weight loss and maintain it. I am sure I can do this with Belle. Why? I successfully handled my grandmother's [diabetic] diet when I took charge of her care during the last eight months of her life. We both lost weight because we both ate the same foods. I plan to make Belle's diet as healthy as possible. This will surely encourage growth in her and weight maintainance for me.

Storytelling for Beginners

Last night I read my fifteen week old daughter a story using tarot cards as a starting point. I put my creative writing degree, my tarot reading skills and my years of experience in comedic and dramatic improvisation to work with the hopes that I would succeed in entertaining an infant. I used my copy of the Hanson Roberts deck, a collection of rather benign images on shorter card stock, perfect for baby's ever growing hands. I concentrated and shuffled as best I could while Belle impatiently demanded her bedtime snack (I had planned to read Belle her story while we nursed). I pulled The Hanged Man, The Hermit, Page of Pentacles, King of Pentacles and Strength before I panicked.

I had an actual question in mind when I shuffled the cards. I had to eschew that to make the story make sense. I didn't know where to start. I usually throw cards in one top row of Past, Present and Future, with the bottom row as the Advice. The cards don't always fit into that particular mold. Sometimes they want to be read right to left, from the center outward or with the very last card as the answer. With this in mind, I started with the Strength card, casting myself as the fair maiden with a subdued lion as my familiar. I heard myself ramble in many parts of the story. Belle, the chubby cheeked chow hound, stopped nursing and listened intently. I eventually got to the point of the story: Poopy the eighty year old Hermit received the funding he needed from Princess Belle to release the star from the lamp, call The Hanged Man off the tree and introduce him to Princess Belle. They all lived happily ever after. Here's to my next storytelling effort!