Belle's father is bipolar. There are times when he acts up and out. Sometimes he says awful, hurtful things. I have learned to not take things personally during his outbursts. I have disconnected from his energy to avoid his outbursts. Belle and I don't need that stress in our lives.
Belle's father surprised me with a phone call today. He wants Belle to know her baby sister. I have agreed to meet him, his wife and their baby this Sunday. He wants the girls to have a relationship. He says he and his wife, a woman he married after our brief relationship ended, have reconciled. He says she is helping him be and do better.
I have always wanted Belle to know her father. I have also always been concerned about his emotional and mental health. I learned the hard way not to fuel his fire. His anger at the end of our relationship took me back to my parents' violent marriage. I held that space and went numb, possibly creating my stealth pregnancy from the stress.
I appreciate Belle's father for literally taking these baby steps. I am cautiously optimistic. I have agreed to take Belle to meet her baby sister on familiar turf, after church and before nap time. He wants his children to know each other. He will need to stay balanced and calm enough to allow this to happen. I will disconnect if it doesn't feel right. He already senses my apprehension and will need to gain my trust.
Like I told my friends with baby daddies that sound like yours: kids don't need a father unless he's a good one. My mother told me that she stayed in her emotionally and verbally abuse marriage because she wanted us to know our father. Trust me, we got to know him. Kids are very observant and don't need anyone to tell them how their fathers are. They see it for themselves and feel it and like you said, it stays with you and it'll stay with Belle too. He's got a long road to go, but he can make it a real short one too!!
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