Sunday, August 4, 2013


I never set out to achieve any dreams in my twenties because I had a sick grandmother to care for and a property to manage, complete with elderly tenant. Even when my grandmother died, and I suddenly had the freedom to do something, I had a property full of junk to manage. It didn't seem feasible to trek out of the city for grad school because, who would care for the property and the elderly tenant?

I kept myself numb by shopping in between frequent trips away from L.A. until I moved to Alameda. In Alameda, I learned how shameful it is to afford food, clothes and shelter without a "real" job. I had only done what the grandmothers had asked me to do, ie, accept the duplex, the junk and the wrongful death settlement.

I wanted a therapy practice and writing career. I wanted to be a spokesperson for causes close to my heart. I considered training to become a hypnotherapist at twenty, which my grandmother vetoed. She also scoffed at my writing, saying I wouldn't make any money or progress there. I buried those dreams under the property and the settlement. I have lived someone else's dreams for my entire adult life.

Can I achieve my dreams of a hypnotherapy/coaching practice and speaking/teaching/writing career with Belle in tow? Can I have an active, balanced, happy, healthy and wealthy life? I have never been able to realise any creative dream or goal because of the responsibility I had to my grandmothers. Now I want Belle to feel proud of me and be inspired by me. I want her needs met. That is my dream.

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